Mike's Saudi (8) Three more wives

I realised the other day these blogs I’ve been writing are all of times in the 1970s and 80s much will have changed and in the Middle East, it will be a very different world to the one I knew out there. I feel that Syb and I were out there at a most interesting time a time which is now lost as is much of the world of my youth in England. It is odd that in my last year or two out there, relationships seem to be changing hardly noticeable but a slight estrangement in the way friendships continued. It was hardly noticeable but I believe the religious authorities were worried about the increasing influence of the west not in a religious way but more life style and aspirations most of which were frowned upon by the Koran. Or was it the seizure of the Grand Mosque in 1979 that eventually turned the tide?

I believe the Koran specifically forbids Muslims from trying to convert others to Islam, but as is in their nature my Saudi friends were keen for me to become a Muslim and although they couldn’t try to convert me directly there were other ways in which they would try. One of these was for me to become a Saudi national which would mean I would have to become a Muslim. I loved their way of life as an outsider but to live in a country where the law and culture is bound to the Koran and to learn the Arabic language would be a great strain for one who had been brought up in conservative England, although financially I would have gained tremendously. My problem was to explain without hurting or offending my friends that I really wasn’t Saudi material. I thought I had a fool proof plan I would explain that Syb, who had many Saudi lady friends who lived in large family circles, would be lonely living without the support of her family. “No” my colleagues said “Marry three more wives then she would have a family to be company for her”.

Somehow I didn’t think Syb would approve but it was the way of their religion to allow a man four wives at the same time. The theory was that men need more satisfaction and four wives would avoid adultery, however another three wives would be very expensive, even at that time, and tiring, as all of them would be required to have equal status as instructed by their religion. I thought it better to encourage my colleagues believe my excuse.

Mike's Saudi (7) Meeting Mansour and His Father

There are times in life when you meet people who you naturally trust and almost immediately become friends, so it was when Mansour and I started to work together. He was what might be described as a middle class Saudi with western leanings but a strong reliance on his faith. So he tended to understand me and my sense of humour and I had by this time been in Saudi long enough to more or less understand him. Within a few hours of our meeting I had taken him home and introduced him to Syb, we had a cup of tea made the Arabic way which impressed him, then, much to our surprise, he suggested we go to his home to meet his wife. This should be seen in the context of the time and of Islam, wives did not meet other males outside the family.

We were naturally flattered. When we arrived at his home both of us were ushered in to the family lounge and introduced to Fateeha his wife and the children. Syb and Fateeha immediately took to each other and learnt to converse with each other in a half English and half Arabic over the coming weeks. Because we all seemed to integrate so well from that moment on we became members of his family and whenever we visited we all used the family lounge, the only exception was when non-family men or women visited, then we used to split into the two lounges. Mansours extended family was very large and we were introduced round “This is my brother from another mother” was not unusually his father had had many wives but no more than four at a time as was required by Islam. We met him later at a wedding when he was over 90 and was considering another wife, Syb met the lucky lady(?) who was 40 at the same event and she was adamant she was not marrying such an old man. I believe she won out.

Mansour was an influential person his father having been with King Saud when he united the country, before that he fought with the French and it was rumoured that he could hit a egg with his rifle from the back of a galloping camel. If you have seen a galloping camel you will know what feat of shooting that is, if it’s true. The wedding was the only time we met the old man, unfortunately we spoke no Arabic at the time and felt much embarrassed as he reeled off the languages he could speak; it seemed in the end that English was one of the few he was unable to speak. But even though we couldn’t communicate directly, there were plenty of people who could translate for us. I really admired him he had such a great presence. Oddly enough Mansour and I never seemed to speak about him again and I have no idea how he fared.

I seem to have strayed a little from where I started but I will return to Mansour and Fateeha in later blogs. I know that some of the background against which I write seem strange to those who have not lived in an Islamic society. Syb’s book ‘Inshallah’ does give a fair picture of a Muslim family life in the way we experienced it in 1978.(amazon.com/dp/B007OIX3XM)   

 

Mike's Saudi Six - A Street in Dahran

( Sorry that this blog is late but we had an issue with the computer our only digital device it ok now)

Towards the end of our stay in Saudi Arabia we lived in a large but developing city in the east of the country. Despite the surroundings there still existed some traits of earlier customs, one of which was that Bedouins would come into town, bringing items from their earlier lifestyle to sell largely to Westerners. I could hardly imagine a Saudi buying what they considered old junk and which we considered prized historical artefacts.

The Bedouins would sit on the board pavements surrounded by these items and drink tea ignoring all who passed by. If you saw something that you found particularly attractive the form was to sit on the pavement alongside the seller and talk to him in English and he would answer you in Arabic as though he knew what you had said. He would during this meaningless but necessary conversation offer you a tea, of course you accepted as it would insult him if you refused. He would then take the cup he had been using toss the dregs away, swill some fresh tea round in it to clean it out and refill it and hand it to you.

After some time as you sat drinking his tea you might indicate the item you were interested in; at which point he would nod and in an unhurried way write some figures on a piece of paper. Now before you went on this type of shopping it was essential to learn the Arabic numbers. (Early in my Saudi career I offered more than the seller was asking!) He would hand you the paper which represented the starting price about this time he would find another cup and you would sit together in conversation as before drinking tea and altering the figures on the piece of paper until a mutually satisfactory price was arrived at; this could take up to an hour or even longer.

During one such episode, I was in the process of negotiating a price for nicely crafted wheel from an old well. I think I’d got it down to about half the original price when an American lady walked up bent over my Bedouin friend and offered him full price. He looked absolutely disgusted and waved her away, what she failed to see was that this was much more than a sale it was a social occasion. From my side it was a great way to spend a morning and get a piece of Saudi history, I still have the wheel and treasure the memories it brings back.

Mike's Saudi Five The Round Tuit

My colleague and workmate Abu Garda was also an Imam and had committed the whole of the Koran to memory a prodigious feat and could recite sections of it in a delightful half sung style of the Islamic clerics. (I wonder how many Christians have learnt the Bible from cover to cover.) Not only was he working with me but he was also studying English Literature at the University, from this you might gather he was exceptionally intelligent, and he was. His spoken English was excellent and his written English even better. As an Imam he would pray five times a day and during his prayer time he would give me a passage from an English translation of the Koran to read so we could discuss it on his return. Despite all his accomplishments he was a typical Saudi in that much that what could be done today was left to tomorrow, when I accused him of procrastination he would smile and say “It is our way we will do it later Inshallah”.

Twice a year Syb and I would take leave in the UK and it was on one of these leaves that we discovered a little gift shop that had some ‘Round tuit’s' for sale. A ‘Round tuit’; is usually a plate with the phrase printed round the circumference and a little verse explaining that now you have an ‘Round tuit’ you can do things immediately I can’t remember the exact wording but that was the gist of it. I later found the above example. An ideal little gift for Abu I thought.

After returning from leave and back at work, I presented Abdul with his gift. He looked at it for a long time with a serious demeanour, he lifted his eyes to me and said “Mr Mike isn’t it very rude to call someone a fat twit?” It took me a long time to have him understand the meaning of ‘Round tuit’ but eventually he gave me a smile of acceptance and we continued to work together happily as before.